its will and drive.
its about focus.
Its about going against the odds.
Its having the strength to keep going, even when maybe your closest friends think you’re completely insane.

I just refuse to give up. Maybe its the way I grew up, but I feel I need to be a street fighter, a scrapper. Life isn’t about taking the easy path - ITS MAKING YOUR OWN DAMN PATH. Make them get out of your way if they don’t agree.

Many books and movies motivate me, but still nothing more then Scarface! I included a photos on this blog post, and its Tony in the movie blowing away people as a druglord is sending hundreds of thugs to kill him in his home (mansion).

That is how Tony dealt with things. he didn’t run and hide, he came straight for those guys - head on. Even with all his guards / gang allies dead, he blew through his office doors and blasted away everyone he could get. Of course he dies, but he goes out blazing. What else could he do? He was surrounded. He could have either done what he did and gone out blasting, or he could have hidden, or maybe killed himself before they killed him.

But he dealt with it head on. And he came from NOTHING, a FOB (”fresh off the boat”) from Cuba. He was washing dishes at a corner restaurant in Miami. Sure, he choose to go into mafia and drug trafficking, but all the odds were against him. So many times in the movie, people underestimated him, saw him as a piece of shit - you know what he does, he proves them wrong.

So people can try to start a business with money alone, but it takes WILL, and Drive, and focus for success to get there. Just never give up, and just do it.

Sorry to those around me…but I am on a rampage the past couple weeks….I am just fighting like never before…..That is how I deal with things….I come at them head on.  I need to be aggressive….I didn’t come this far, all the way out here to China, to get lazy, drink beer, and try to get other people to pay for my life.

I came here to build a business.  I was considering the MBA investment, but I instead decided to invest in building a international business between China and USA.  To build a future for myself and for my family.  To build strong cashflows and a scalable business model.

And I see more clearly now, more then ever, what I need to do to make things work:

1) Focus on projects and clients that make money. Sounds easy, right?  Yea…sure, especially being in China, every damn day I get an email from someone who has “the next big idea” that I am so fortunate to be considered to help them source in China for them.  Sure, I love new opportunities, considering new business ventures.  And I am honored that friends and associates come to me with their “baby” that they lose sleep over.  But its also not fair for me to engage myself into a business that I cannot fully offer my time and support.  No matter what I say, I think I can have someone else manage the project - it seems to always come back to me and haunt me.  So I say FOCUS on projects that will bring steady cashflow or recurring revenues in a foreseeable future on a clear timeline.  No more “hail mary” passes for a while, I don’t have the time or the money to afford to use that time.

2) Surround myself with a qualified network - I don’t want to say those I may consider “un-qualified” for business are losers. I’m not some stuck up prick.  I mean building a network who can build off each other, in a similar field or product line.

I do ecommerce between USA and China.  And I focus in the home, bar, gift, and entertainment product lines.

So, while before I was expanding my network anywhere and anyway I could. I am realizing “quality over quantity” - similar to my FOCUS point above.  If you are in those fields above, then hopefully we can mutually help each other grow and succeed.  If not, maybe we can grab a beer at the bar on Friday and be friends.

3) Don’t be so concerned about others thinking of you - I think this has always been a weakness of mine.

part a) I am too nice, (yea…sometimes a pushover) - and then all of a sudden I will explode once I reach my limit in a particular relationship / confrontation.  Its extreme nice or extreme anger with me.  I know I should change this.

part b) I want to be everyone’s friend - I have been able to do well in “political” environments, where I am able to understand both sides of a given situation, be able to get both parties sides.  I am normally trusted to be given secret information.  And then I usually “win votes” to get elected president in my high school, university, fraternity pledge class.

I don’t want to give up those 2 images of myself.  But I am learning (especially in China) that (translated quote)

“If you make you’re self out to be an ass (donkey), people won’t feel guilty to ride you”.  I think thats the Chinese business environment.  Dog eat dog, survival of the fittest.  AND IT HAS CHANGED ME.

Changed for better or for worse?  Well, stronger for sure.  Hopefully not too “thick sknned” and insensitive enough.  But sure, we all change in life.  Its part of life, and growing as an individual.

So I apologize to those around me, staff, clients, suppliers, I have been on a RAMPAGE lately….really fighting to shape up the business around me.  I want things to get more clear, more scalable, and then hopefully I CAN TAKE A DAMN VACATION.

(note: this is my personal blog, I can say what I like, and you’re reading it this far because you must be interested).

My mom and dad always send me scanned copies of my horoscope. This is a rather recent one I thought I would share today. IT IS AWESOME + EXACTLY WHAT I THINK EACH DAMN DAY
For those who can’t see the image clearly.

Your life is a journey, not a destination. You should one day write a book about your experiences along the way. It could be a best seller. Your life is a story to tell, that many others would find interesting. You are ready for major moves forward. Refuse to be stuck in the past. Set a time limit. Let nothing hold you back.

I know, I know, many of your are saying horoscopes are just a bunch of B.S. But they are fun, and motivating. This one definitely does that for me, but each part I love:

Your life is a journey, not a destination. - exactly like the name of this blog - happiness in pursuit. We are not born into this world to get to one place and be over and done with. we are here on earth to share with each other, to live, to love, to learn, to pass along to the next generation.

You should one day write a book about your experiences along the way. It could be a best seller. - well, it started with this blog, and before this blog I kept a paper journal from as far back as 1997. May have to pull out those journals when the day has come to write a book…..Many people, family and friends - and random people I meet on trains and planes - say I should document all of this… plus it gets really tiring writing the same thing over and over in personal emails to different friends and family - i can just cite this blog url for people to read up.

You are ready for major moves forward. Refuse to be stuck in the past. - HELLL YEA!! never get stuck on the past. I have lost money, I have upset people at times - and yes I have benefited others when I should have received the benefit. BUT KEEP MOVING FORWARD. never give up. Like earlier in this horoscope, life is a journey, not a destination. Its not over, till we’re dead, and even then its not over - just who knows what the next stage then will be.

Set a time limit. - I’m working on this..my weakenss…. but I am making a better outline of a plan and goals…may blog them when ready more,.

Let nothing hold you back. - NEVER EVER - anyone anywhere in this world. A millionaire businessman or a broke farmer in inner china - don’t make excuses why you can’t achieve what you w ant. governments, family, friends, enemies- remember the biggest person holding you back is YOURSELF- if you believe you can do it, and keep working on it, it will be done. and if its not done, then you had one hell of a ride trying right - and that should be self fulfilling, right!

there, just got some motivational energy off my chest, phew! now back to work.

I guess its like the saying goes “be careful what you wish for”. My previous office, was 1 massive room with a glass dividing wall between the office and the main room - NO privacy. So looking to move, I wanted to have multiple rooms, and areas that I could have private meetings with staff and visitors. Here is a pic of my new office, on the top floor (i’m in a multi-level villa now)

Sure, its a sweet place. I love the “dirty” industrial feel, paint chips on the wall - think it was a CNC machine shop before I moved in, as there are tons of vents and hookups connecting different rooms (and a old sign with a CNC machine to give it away, heh)

But this is what I like - a down and dirty, no frills - flexible work space. But the staff is downstairs from me……I think they’re happier as now I have to yell from upstairs and its more difficult for me to do “gut reaction” responses. I have to plan my trips to talk to them more. I create more scheduled meetings. I’m more of a boss now. Scary guy upstairs in his private office……getting called here is a big deal.

But I dont like being the scary boss. The guy in the office calling people in. I want to be the friendly, approachable person. That you can feel comfortable around, share your ideas. Be creative.

But maybe I have to change, at least maybe in China I have to change. I keep getting told “if you are too nice, people will take advantage of you”. Or the saying “if you make yourself out to be an ass (donkey), others won’t have a problem riding you”. And sadly, I think that is the chinese culture. The boss has to be strong. The boss has to be firm. He has to put others in their place, tell them what to do, and not give them options.

My problem is I try to give people options. To be more diplomatic.

So, as I am going through such a huge transition - office move, business re-focus and consolidation into US ecommerce, and cultural challenges….I’m getting the feeling of being left alone in an office. Day and night.

Sure, I keep saying, I will automate my work, I will create workflows. I will be able to travel. I think its getting closer to that, and I need to travel, I need a vacation.

So maybe separating my office from the staff is good, in the long term. I want them to make decisions independently, so that they can manage themselves. This, then, will make the company work on its own - not by my “micromanaging” each step of their job. And hopefully decrease my stress level.

Just sharing my ideas, and feelings. Maybe this is the next step - and maybe this office will be empty a lot as i’m traveling to Thailand, USA, or wherever. That is what I want to do, build international business relations. Strategic alliances. Doing deals, making things happen - so I should be lonely in my office, the days I am working, and get the job done that much faster and more efficiently.

I am cleaning up my desktop and computer, going through tons of folders and files…rather annoying but its good to go through it on a weekend - travel back in time and remember all the hopes and dreams of the past. Some are real, others never became - or realized something else.

I found a really great file, things I want to do before I leave this Earth. I wrote this in April 2002!!!! Good thing I keep backing up my data, here is a copy/paste:

What I want to do before I die.

have a respectable job, one that i love to do — done
have a happy family life
have a party house, where i can have reunions of all the wonderful people i meet
meet as many new people as possible
start a college fund

activities

bungee jump
sky dive —done

travel

tour europe — done
austrailia
caribean — done
las vegas — done
visit hollywood –done
go to brazil
camping, beach
boating
Appalachian trail
cancun —done
bahamas
italy — done
montreal —done
iowa —-done

I would say, I am the same person I was then as I am now….. still a few things on that list I have to get done…. mainly my goal in life is to EXPERIENCE IT. And that hasn’t changed.

I really beleive I am not driven by money. Some say that is stupid…and yes, it seems to have gotten me into SHORT TERM problems in the past……even tonight my friend Jojo said “if you keep being so nice, you’ll even have no money to wear the shirt you have on”. So strange, but you know what, if that is how it will be, then I will have lived my life anyway.

WHO CARES ABOUT MONEY. you live, you die. Nothing can be taken with you when you’re gone. And your family and children should live for their own lives, not hope you pass money along to them.

Hey, this is my personal blog, and it seems people here like reading about the real life story of my experiences….so here goes…hope it doesnt seem too much like complaining…

Obviously being a small business owner, boot strapped and always under cash flow pressure - I am faced with daily pressure to deliver. Guess overall I like the pressure, even though I maybe lose my temper and show my emotions. It gets my blood “boiling”, and is much more exciting then sitting behind a corporate desk collecting salary.

But seems too many changes, too much short term pressure….writing it down helps me out:

1) Many customers pushing - with Chinese New Years approaching, everyone wants to get their projects fixed . Need to get things under control, keep people happy, and not go insane in the meantime….
2) Newyorkbarstore transition - still so many issues there….dissolution of NJ company, asset and liability transfers, bank loan refinancing, training people for customer service, IT rebuilds, banking / merchant accounts re-applying. Supply chain re-organization….
3) UK newyorkbarstore collapse - seems the bank, credit card, and paypal are frozen - claims from warehouse, ebay negatives piling up. Just overextended too rapidly into UK / Europe market, and with the financial crisis, buyers slowed and bills didnt….
4) China address change, phone number transfer - moving out of Hai Wang, Tiley will be the corporate address. Have to move apartments, shifting things, things breaking in the move…phone can’t be transferred, people calling saying the number doesn’t work, etc etc…aiya.
5) Closing 98products (China bar products), Huizhou warehouse ending - seems its not as bad as UK, but I learned I sell best in the US market….so I’m closing the warehouse in Huizhou factory and shipping all the goods to California, USA warehouse for US market sales
6) Warehouse changes - More supply chain issues as per the above….but customs clearance, new contracts, splitting shipments, trucking, logistics,
7) Employee disputes - as part of the reorganization, I’m moving to have more freelancer and part time workers. Have some in USA, some in China, Singapore, Philippines, Europe. So sadly, while there are new faces, some old faces have to leave. some handle it differently then others, some are threatening to sue me, take me to the labor bureau, report me for tax evasion, blah blah. Lets see…..
Business partner / Alliances changing - similar to #7 above, I am cooperating with new people, and discontinuing with others….of course, I am still emotional, mix business and personal friends, and it just hurts me. I am learning better to separate business and friends - but its a learning curve and a process

But just  writing it down has helped me feel a bit better…….

Reading some linkedin.com discussions, and one that caught my eye was “how did you get into your industry where you are today?” I answered it in the thread, but also want to expand on it more here.

Since I can remember, I always wanted to have my own company, back in 2003 after graduating university and starting a new full time analyst job at Deutsche Bank, I met Greg Schwartz, also a fresh grad in the new hire training program who turned his university senior design project (mobile phone java app) into a business - Mobatech LLC. It was rather funny, as I randomly sat down next to him during 1st day orientation, we became great friends, business allies, and i was in his wedding party! During our training in London, England - I came on board in Mobatech as a marketing & sales consultant (it was his idea for me to do sales…I didnt think I could do it!!!). I remember finding ways to increase downloads (not really purchases, but shows “top downloads” on some of the reseller networks) - it came to be one of the top selling productivity mobile applications. Soon those channels started changing it from top downloads to top sellers….hehe. But ya, I love finding ways to get ahead. Later he showed me his website server logs and asking me to understand it and grow visitors…..it amazed me seeing people from all over the world coming to his website. Sure, I had made websites before, but never analyzed traffic and sources before…it truly amazed me from that day forward.

Researching more into ways to increase website traffic, in 2004 I attended a “free” online marketing class in a fancy NYC hotel. I brought my roommate, Andrew Moran, and we got pushed/sold into a “package” with all the tools to start your own online internet business.

We had no idea what we were going to sell!!!!! Andrew would do the writing, logistics, and operations, I would do the financial, technology, and marketing - both of course pushing sales and sharing customer support. A 50/50 split and a handshake, on a street corner in midtown Manhattan. A new company was born - Parallel Phenomena (started as a general partnership in New York, later re-organized to a corporation in the state of new jersey - Parallel Phenomena, Inc) The name Parallel Phenomena represented Andrew and I (2 people in parallel) and phenomena meaning following our “gut” and feelings.

Sold on ebay, tried multiple online stores (first was pimp guide - your bachelor pad store mixed with nightclub VIP list) - and found success selling bar products…..so much that it didn’t make sense to have a general “everything i think is cool” online shop and ebay store - so being in NYC and taking into consideration the party nightscene and the current “pimp guide” bachelor feel - it seemed newyorkbarstore.com was a fitting name / brand, and the online shop was born in early 2005.

Taking it from there, working every night until we could keep our eyes open, and drinking beers on fridays watching TV (COPS TV show is still my favorite) and some Lower East Side bar hopping, Andrew and I kept on pushing to build up the online business. First we shipped products to our NYC apartment…knowing there wasn’t anyone to sign for it, I got the shoe shine guy downstairs (really cool guy, think Juan) to hold the goods for us till I got back from work. But that got out of hand quickly….so I got my younger university friend, George Couto, to help receive and ship products at the fraternity house while I had the dayjob. That got out of hand, so we found a UPS store….that was expensive and a nightmare - so George’s parent’s basement. Then I found a print broker (he printed the Pimp Guide book for us), Alan Kaufman, who had a storage unit for his business - so we rented a unit next to his, and he would receive and ship for us. Then that got out of hand…so we moved to Webgistix, a 3rd party fulfillment center - uHauled it ourselves on a weekend roadtrip.

That kept going on, a rollercoaster ride. I was the first, quitting the day job at Deutsche Bank in early 2007, with steadily growing online sales, toned internet experience, and a budding business network - it lead me to buying directly from China / Asia distributing into western markets. Started a UK company…but too many logistical problems…..maybe get back there one day

Frustrations trying to buy from China lead me to start Shadstone sourcing (Shadstone Associates, Inc) in mid 2007, spent some time living in San Diego, California w/ my good friend Piotr, I transitioned from the mind of a “9-5″ worker to the full time entrepreneur……..working on the beach, coffee shops, and couches via my laptop……it was cool…..but i wanted something more….it was kind of boring, I got a little lonely, and i wanted to expand.

in addition, I was still frustrated buying from overseas remotely, even though i was now a full-time entrepreneur so i had more time then when i was with a fulltime deutsche bank job, still so many miscommunications trying to buy from China while located in USA…..I felt could do it better if I was on the ground in China…..so I moved to Southern China (city Shenzhen) to have a better understanding and control of product development and supply chain - so I opened Hong Kong & China companies. Plus, China is where the future is, this is the emerging market - this is where the money is to be made, right??? Plus, I had my boys back in USA covering things there (Andrew, Alan, and other business allies), I would build up the sources and supply chain here in China / Asia. Get some ocean containers shipping out, automate order flow and marketing processes. Scale up. Life would be good, right?

Well….. I am not patient enough……and I learned I am not going to succeed in being that “white guy” who changes how business is done in China. I think thats the mistake us stupid foreigners make when we come to China. We think we can change the culture, change the history, change the world. What I have learned is, you have to learn how to go with the way things are, and adapt properly.

So, doing import/ export isn’t my thing. No patience, too crude, too much detail in specifications.

So, internet. But then there’s not just making websites for people (i’ve done that back since 1999). Can’t take that, because most people don’t know what they want (similar to buying products from factories overseas), the client constantly changes their mind. And the money isn’t big enough.

So, selling online, that is my thing, maybe that will work. ecommerce. I dont have to deal with people. I can scale it. I can automate it. Its a growing industry. I have sources and contacts now on various sides of the world - China, USA, UK, etc…..

But how to move forward from here. A lot of pieces in play…..

Just gonna keep on going with what worked and ride the wave. Never give up, keep your chin up, and don’t be negative.

I always try to take criticism positively….even if someone tells me in a negative condescending matter. I think it helps a person grow and you have to keep your ears open even when you may not want to hear it.

I have to add an image from the movie “Fallen Down” - I’m not that bad….YET! haha, but some days I’m getting to a breaking point for sure!

As I always have done to destress, let me write down what exactly is bothering me, who cares if its a blog:

Its been since christmas since blogging….no i haven’t forgotten about you guys….its more because ive been working day and night - and that is pretty boring to blog about.
But i am getting more confident, more focused. I am sure 2010 will be a great year….all the time, years, invested both in time and in money, now is the time to shine. Now more then ever.

I am consolidating all my various businesses into 1 main idea - ecommerce in usa from china ) asia. Merging newyorkbarstore into the shadstone group has really cemented the idea….as well as doing ecommerce projects for many factories and trading companies in china - all begging to get more direct access to the western world
As the globe continues to flatten, factories will need to market themselves more as a brand, meaning….the chinese factories need western marketing experts to bring them there

Who would that be???

You guessed it…the Shadstone group will provide the skills, people, and tools to market directly in the usa market. Mainly through the internet, but also with traditional marketing allies.
Building a great team of organized and focused staff….that care about what they do and want the company to succeed…
Im just a bit worried about chinese new years slowing things down.
But nothing will slow me down, have come too far, its now or never. There is no such thing as failure, just keep going.

wondering if my uncle is giving me a hint a bout my being a dreamer …. and artist…. in some way…he just sent me this email

DEAR MIKE,
I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT BE INTERESTED IN THIS ARTICLE. PARTS OF IT, I BELIEVE COULD PERTAIN TO SOME WHO ARE NOT ARTISTS.
……. ((((rest deleted from this blog entry)))……….
LOVE,
UNCLE BILL

here is an excerpt from the article - full article is by Lori Woodward on clintwatson.net 20% Dream and Scheme, 80% Do

The World Needs Dreamers Who Perform

Now don’t get me wrong… Dreaming is a great thing because the world needs dreamers. Most artists are dreamers by nature, but the hard cold fact remains that if we spend the bulk of our time dreaming and scheming, and not creating great work, our dreams are not likely to ever come true.

Ask any successful artist how much time he/she spends actually creating artwork, and you’ll find that time in the studio far exceeds time either planning or dreaming. You see, they settled on some plans and dreams early on and then took immediate action in pursing those dreams. I am honored to call a handful of highly successful artists my personal friends. I see how they conduct their careers and their marketing efforts. They all have one thing in common… they are productive. They paint/work whether they feel like it or not. They put the horse before the cart, first creating a dynamite work and afterwords, they apply the best marketing tools to get their work before collectors’ eyes. In fact, these artists didn’t have a hard time getting into galleries because the quality of their work is evident.

I’m going out on a limb here, and this might make some of you angry, but I have to say it because this is what I believe…

While I am not an artist in the true form, I believe in a way I am a dreamer therefore a creative artist in business / internet.

This photo below taken by my good friend Scott Katin, shows my gazing into Duck Pond in Yellowstone NAtional Park, USA back in summer 2003.  I still look at this photo and think of how much I dream and set goals in the sky.

So many times, family, friends, and even work colleagues tell me I need to make a more defined path.  A more defined goal with a milestone chart to get there…..

But I don’t think any plan could have gotten me where I am.  And if I had set this plan back 5 years ago, would it restrict me from getting where I am today?  Would I look at that plan and path and not stray from it, for fear of losing control or losing track of where I was going?

I am a trailblazer…I like to open markets, create opportunity, create jobs and new business.  I am not a manager…..I always feel I will create the opportunities, get the basics of sales, marketing, and operations established and I will have a manager come in later and straighten out the details.

Is this unrealistic?  Idiotic?  Cocky?  I don’t know….sadly as I move along in life, I feel more and more let down by those I feel who are to manage what I have trailblazed. But is that really my own fault for creating a mess and not able to be transitioned over properly?

I am a dreamer.  I believe I perform…..I execute…..maybe I perform TOO QUICKLY?  Or without enough planning.

I think life is all about growing as a person, learning who you are, and how you interact with others.  I’m just afraid that I don’t pay enough attention to detail, am a forceful / dominant personality, and cannot contain people who try to “manage me”.  I don’t mind someone managing a company or a project that I am involved with….but…

I am an artist….and I don’t want to be managed!